by Mary James

My two little boys have a new favorite TV show, "Bob, the Builder." It's a cute little show about Bob the Builder and all of his construction machines. The trucks and tractors and mixers are all animated and they work together as a team. The theme song has them all singing, "Can we fix it? YES, we can!" "Can we build it? YES, we can!" Working with new home schoolers, sometimes I feel like that kind of a cheerleader... "Can we homeschool? YES, you can!" I try to give information and encouragement to show that they can be successful homeschoolers. Sometimes my own struggles make me feel like something of a hypocrite.

Two years ago, I had a very bad year. In July when my morning sickness was at its peak, I found out we would have to move. The month of August was spent trying to find a place and secure financing. In September we moved our enormous household. In October my mother-in-law underwent quadruple bypass surgery. In November my brother underwent emergency colon surgery. In December our only vehicle was totaled. In February our sweet little David was born, and, of course, we all know how school goes with a new baby in the house! While most families were finishing up the school year, we were covering lessons about Christmas! We had to schedule school through the summer with a short break before starting again in September. My house? After seven months it still looked like we had just moved in. I felt like all I ever did was yell at my kids and take my husband for granted. For every good day, I had five bad days. For every day we accomplished school, we seemed to miss three! I would take one step forward and three steps back. And so in the end, I crumbled before God and wept and wept and said, "God... I am a miserable failure. Everything in my world is a mess. I can not do this!!" And do you know what God answered? He said, "That is what I was waiting to hear..." His answer to me involved three passages of scripture that I would like to share with you.

All three passages were written by Paul. The first passage has been dear to me for a long time. My Bible calls it "The Strife of the Two Natures" but I call it the 3:00 a.m. passage because it sounds like the kind of struggle you have with yourself at 3 o'clock in the morning when you can't sleep and you are trying to figure out the mysteries of existence. It is found in Romans 7, verses 15 through 25. I'm not going to quote that entire passage, I'm just going to give you the gist of it. Paul says, "the things that I don't want to do, those are the things that I do and the things that I do want to do, I do not..." Doesn't that sound just like our homeschooling struggle? I don't want to fuss at my kids or neglect my lesson plans or fall behind but that's where I find myself over and over. I want to be patient and loving and encouraging and find the methods that work for my child, but I just can't seem to accomplish that. Paul was talking about our human nature struggling against our desire to please God, but I see such a clear correlation to my desire to be a good homeschooler.

The next passage gives me an answer to this "Strife of the Two Natures." In fact, I think this is one of the most important passages in the Bible. Not because it is so revolutionary, but because it is so simple and basic. And, of course, that is why we always forget its great truth and wisdom! When I reach the point of complete breakdown and I throw myself before God and say, "God, I can not do this," God says the same thing to me that He said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 — "My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness." In this passage, Paul is talking about a thorn in his flesh, and there are days when my homeschooling lifestyle feels like a thorn in my flesh! But listen to the reason for the thorn... in verse 7 Paul says, "Lest I should be exalted above measure..." So in verses 9-10, Paul goes on to say, "...My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.... Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong." When I admit that I can't do it, it is at that moment that God can begin to work. "When I am weak, then am I strong."