Smoothing the Way online

by Diane Broadway

As homeschoolers, we sometimes face difficulties. Whether it's a move, a difficult child, illness of a family member or yourself, life's problems can seem insurmountable in the face of more responsibility and less time.  Homeschooling is hard with out problems, but what does one do when the problems get big enough for you to ask the question, "Should I keep homeschooling?"

In the May 2003 issue of the REVIEW, I introduced our family and told about our trial when our son was diagnosed and died of a brain tumor. The year Zachary was sick, he went through drug therapy and radiation, a brief respite of health and then his relapse and passed away in the fall of 1994.  Following that, we had another year of recovery and re-grouping.  Needless to say, it wasn't our greatest 2 years of homeschooling.

When facing challenging situations it is important to think through your options.  The one thing you don't want to do is to have a knee-jerk reaction and throw your kids in school for 6 months while you have a crisis!  Because kids appear to be more resilient we sometimes mistakenly assume that it is easy for them to adapt, when in truth, children are very sensitive to change and upheaval.  Quick changes for which they are unprepared can cause insecurity and make learning difficult. The adjustment of changing school situations can be very hard on them, and hard for you to help them when you are already stressed with your situation. Kids are surprisingly perceptive about their family life.  If they are worried about what is happening at home, particularly concerning illness, they are not going to learn well in a classroom environment anyway.  If they're wondering if Mommy is feeling badly today, or if Grandfather will still be alive when they get home, it's no wonder that they'll do poorly in school.

You might want to continue homeschooling even if you're dealing with illness in the family. Children gain security forging a crisis with you. Your presence is the most reassuring thing in their lives. Besides, there is a good chance your children may learn something they could learn no other way.  We often gain more of God in difficulties.

One of the things your children will learn is reliance on God.  They'll be watching you as you navigate through this trial, watching you need and depend on God in a way we desperately do when He allows a crisis to come. You notice that I didn't say you'd be doing everything right, being the perfect example.  When problems come, it seems to bring out my weakness, not my strength!  But you can model the asking and trusting God, leaning on His mercy the best you can.  That's what they will see and follow.

Children will also learn that they can be part of the solution.  Children love to feel that they have contributed to the well being of the family.  Give them ways to be helpful and tell them you appreciate them.  Families are bonded when they face difficulty together.
 
Children learn that they can pray and see God working.  When difficulties come, children will learn that God does indeed answer prayer.  They have an opportunity to see God work in their family to heal, take care of them, and comfort.  Be sure to communicate with them what you see God doing for your family and pray together with them, assuring them that God hears their prayers.

Let's talk now about some possible exceptions.  Surely, there are times when it would be best if a family put their children into school.  Let's explore some scenarios.

{mospagebreak}High School students, missing a year or even a few months at this stage of education could throw off graduation. On the other hand, would that be so bad?  Consider taking an extra year.  For many kids it would not be a bad idea especially if the situation will resolve.

A situation that is not likely to change for a long period of time might be an exception.  An example of this might be having a high-need or special needs child that limits your ability to homeschool other children. A family member with a chronic illness is another example of a long-term situation. But before you throw in the towel for home education, look for creative solutions.  Could you get special help for the high need child every day for a few hours that would free you to spend with your other children? Do you have a grandparent or relative who would be willing to help? Maybe you can homeschool on the weekends or at odd times of the day.  The important question to ask yourself is, "What is going to provide the most secure and happy childhood for my child?"  There will be several things to consider, but asking this can help clarify what might be the best answer today. Philippians 2:13 says, "It is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose."  I believe God has a will and purpose for your family, which He will reveal to you to follow!

How to Cope
Make your child as independent as possible.  This is not the time to try a unit study. Look for more traditional curriculum, like textbooks and workbooks.  Computer programs for children who are able are also a good choice.  Most children will get bored using this method long-term, but it could get you through difficult year.
Also, consider utilizing some of the supplementary programs or co-ops available in your area if transportation is not an issue.

Remember, if your child is second grade or below, don't expect independence.  Your challenge at this level is to find a way to get school done.  When my son was ill, my kindergartner desperately wanted to "do school" as well as needed some Mommy time, which was a rarity just then.  She was an early riser, so before anybody was out of bed, we got some juice and did our 45 minutes of school. It helped satisfy our need to stay connected as well as kept her on track educationally.

Homeschooling through difficulty is stressful for parents, and if you are stressed, your child is stressed too.  Don't expect them to have a great year.  This is survival.  Children can make up for a bad year.  They can turn around and make great gains when their world settles down again.  Keep your eye on big picture. Sometimes our most desperate situations are allowed by God, for reasons we may never understand, yet are of profound importance in the kingdom. It may be that God has this difficulty tailor made for your family and in some strange way, it could be the best year you've had yet. Finally, don't forget to ask God for direction in all your searching for an answer.

Romans 15:5  May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among your selves as you follow Christ Jesus, so you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Prayer:  Col. 1:11   I ask God to fill your with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  And I pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

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Copyright 2003, Diane Broadway. Article may not be reprinted in any form. For permission to reprint, contact the author at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or (512) 639-9341.

This article first appeared in the November, 2003, issue of the Texas Home School Coalition REVIEW magazine, distributed quarterly to readers free of charge. The REVIEW focuses on current events, thoughts from home school leaders, and resources and services to help with teaching at home.